Thursday, October 28, 2010
This picture sums up the confusion that I feel pretty well. I'm not sure if there is a part that is the confusion or if the confusion is actually two or more parts fighting to be heard at the same time. The questioning about goodness and badness usually comes from "the sad part", but perhaps there is another part that is sad and confused?
Regardless, the emotions expressed in this drawing are with me a lot. I have trouble addressing these questions and knowing for sure how I feel about myself and who I am. I know that I don't do bad things and yet I frequently find myself questioning whether or not I'm "bad".
Perfectionism is another huge issue for me and all of the parts, especially for the parts that are more protective. I'll get more into this at a later time, but the protective parts try to shelter the sensitive parts from having their feelings hurt or being bullied because they said or did something "wrong", which can be as simple as tripping on the stairs or using the wrong word in a sentence. There are protective parts who do this more negatively by causing self blame, doubt, and humiliation when it isn't necessary.