One of the most difficult things to deal with when you have parts or alters is the pain that accompanies the ones that have never experienced any joy, happiness, or goodness. These parts are so sad, so full of pain and suffering, that it feels like nothing could ever make them heal.
Right now I am approaching these sad and broken parts by allowing them to come out and express themselves. I hope that time will give them the ability to grieve their lost childhood and to overcome the pain that has been their reality.
I drew the picture above, starting with the happy part. She likes drawing pictures of herself, so while she was out I/we drew her. The drawing made the sad part feel even sadder. There was a jealousy and frustration coming from her that was heartbreaking. There's really nothing as strange and confusing as two conflicting feelings coming up at one time, because the parts that are at the front had drastically different life experiences.
The sad parts are rarely brave enough to come out. Most of the time they stay hidden. I have a very difficult time crying or feeling truly sad and I think it's because all my true emotions are broken into parts that are too scared to come all the way forward.
I just hope that the sad part is able to find happiness someday. I can feel her inside of me nearly all the time, her sadness wrapping itself around all the parts and darkening every part of me. But I don't resent her for this, I just feel saddened. I want her to find the happiness she deserved as a child.
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