Thursday, November 11, 2010

Losing My Mind

Lately I have felt like I'm just losing my mind.  The parts are all thinking different thing and they keep coming out and just wrecking things.  I know it's not their fault.  I know they're just trying to protect me and do their job, but they just keep coming out and saying things that make my boyfriend mad or they come around and make me feel like crap about myself.

The protective parts are all fighting old battles.  They come out and insist that my boyfriend is doing things wrong or that he doesn't care about me.  These are things that "I" know are not true and are old feelings that I had at the beginning of our relationship, about two and a half years ago.  So why are the parts still stuck there?  Why are they still picking at him and analyzing him and causing so much harm?

My boyfriend thinks that I don't trust him, that he has to walk on egg shells around me, that he never knows how I'm going to react and I hate that.  I hate it so much.  I hate causing so much shit without meaning to.  I think I'm doing the right thing, I think I'm making a valid point and then all the sudden I realize that it was stupid and pointless and I was fighting for nothing.  I was upset over nothing.  I put me and him through hell over nothing.

What do I do about this?

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